This has been a very different Advent. In addition to spending a week of it in 80 degree weather when it hovers near 0 degrees almost daily and rarely ceases to snow here at home, December has been consumed with heartache over Ray, my dear cousin's very, very sick husband. Instead of cramming in all of our favorite traditions the last four days - cutting down a tree and trimming it, paying a visit to Santa, shopping for more than 30 minutes, baking cookies, making ornaments, sending Christmas cards, and happily blogging about it all - I sat in hospital rooms and cared for three sweet little girls in their home while Andrew held down the fort here.
This morning was a mad, mad dash to pull Christmas together. I have been trying to breathe deep, to let go of what I wished we'd done, what we missed, what my kids won't even remember. I have been trying not to worry about other people's expectations over gifts and preparations. Mostly I have been trying to remain focused on what and why we celebrate this season anyway.
It is so easy to pay lip service to Jesus' birth. This year I have really struggled to get my heart around the sentimentality of it all. And, quite honestly, the hard facts often leave me cold. But something happened in church tonight. I heard a different story. A perspective I have rarely considered. Words that reached into the ache, the worry, the fear, the ambivalence, the disappointment and brought me back.
"Do not be afraid."
It is an angel's standard greeting. I knew that, of course. I've heard the story hundreds of times. But this time I had the privilege of being a reader in the service and something about reading aloud, paying attention and longing to hear, I noticed that these words are absolutely essential to the Christmas story.
There is so much pain in the world. For the last four days I have been swimming in it. But the great comforter is telling us, Do not be afraid.
There is so much to worry about every day. From battles with cancer to whether a check will come on time. But the Hope of the world is telling us, Do not be afraid.
There are so many reasons to doubt or flee or choose oblivion. But a personal, loving God is telling us, Do not be afraid.
We have to face the darkness in order to see the Light of the World. But we do not have to be afraid. That, I guess, is heavenly peace.
May your travels through the darkness lead you to the manger, so you can return like the terrified, trembling shepherds, glorifying and praising God for all you have heard and seen. That's where I'm heading.
Merry Christmas.
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4 comments:
Beautifully said my friend! How ironic that I was just meditating over that SAME verse yesterday, reading in Luke where the angel Gabriel foretold Jesus birth to Mary and said, "do not be afraid". My thoughts traveled the same direction you wrote - although you are much more eloquent and flowing then my thoughts are! I also recall Kristin signing her emails, "Not alone and not afraid". It sounds like, this year, you heartfully experienced what Jesus intended his birth celebration to be all about - not about us, all about Him. Thank you for your thoughts and the reminder of the comfort the baby in the manger - our Savior Jesus Christ - brings! Merry Christmas Amy.
Simply a beautiful post. Your words are so pertinent to what your family is going through these days. I continue to pray for your family.
I've been struck by the verse this year, Luke 1:27, "For nothing is impossible with God."
Merry Christmas to you!
i need to not be afraid - so hard
Yes, Amy.
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