Today my cousins who we rarely see or spend time with surprised us by coming to our church to hear Andrew "preach." As we stood chatting after the service I knew we should ask them over. I wanted to ask them over. I loved the thought of having them over. But inside I was cringing. Our house - as per usual when we're not expecting visitors - was a disaster. But I asked them anyway. And they came.
I'm not sure what they really thought about the counters piled with mail and papers (seriously, piled), the dirty dishes in the sink, the floors that clearly needed washing. I'm pretty sure they noticed the bathroom sink that doesn't drain, the garbage cans that needed emptying, the fifteen pairs of boots and shoes piled by the back door. I pray they didn't go upstairs, open the refrigerator, peek behind the shower curtain or look under the couch cushions.
While they were here, I tried not to apologize too much. I was reminded of a gut-wrenching moment in the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape when the mom, who has become so grossly overweight she can't get out of the house, says to her son's girlfriend, "I wasn't always like this."
Neither was I. In high school, I couldn't go to sleep if I knew that my dirty clothes had missed the laundry basket. I was a housekeeper at summer camp, five years in a row. When I was single, I washed my floors weekly, on my hands and knees.
Somewhere along the way, things changed. I don't like the mess, but cleaning and picking up just isn't a priority anymore. We do it, of course. We keep the main rooms tidy for lessons during the week and the bathroom clean. But keeping a house in order for the unexpected guest...well, I choose to write and work and bake and play with my kids. Right now, in fact, I could be washing the pans from dinner or dusting the piano or vacuuming the stairs. All these things need to be done. But they're not going to happen. I prefer to write about them instead.
Someday I hope to be okay about this. And invite you over anyway. Just please don't go upstairs.
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6 comments:
I struggle with this too. It is impossible to do it all. I think that loving on your boys and husband, being creative, etc at the expense of a spotless house is the way to go - at least that is what I am telling myself!
Oh friend, such a good post. i love the end to it, just don't go upstairs. it was always my horror too. the most madness up those stairs...
glad your doing what you love more
I think it is every mother...every woman's job to overcome this phenomenon. We all feel the same way, even those who keep their home immaculate. When my kids were really little, the house was straight up embarassing but I had 3 kids under 2 years old. The best quote I ever heard on the subject was from my sister in law.
"If you're coming to see me, come anytime! If you're coming to see my house...call first."
Amy, Katy just called me as we talk many times a week and she asked if I had seen your blog. I turned to it. That paragraph you listed about the things we must have noticed, I can honestly say I didn't notice any of that. In fact, I am not even sure what sink you were talking about. The truth is, I just loved being there. I walked away from our time just so happy to have had my Amy & Andrew fill. I was so impressed and excited to make the dish you made for us sometime too, enjoyed your yummy bread. I loved especially talking about our new found love in resale shops, Aldi, crafts, and hearing your true ins and outs of life. I loved watching Michael and Liam play together. Loved that you let us drive him to your house so we could ask him lots of questions. That always made me feel special when I was little. I wanted to see his lego set that you blogged about, and wanted to ask about his piano playing from Andrew's FB post. In fact, I think what I noticed more than anything was your happiness, your insight, and how talkative you were. And truly, I needed that more than anything. Now I hope I am not discounting your feelings about wanting to be clean, as I feel that way about my house too, and I get that. True intimacy from my relationships is what I crave the most, it's the thing that keeps my friendships close, it's the thing that keeps me honest & humble, and isn't it the thing that draws everyone your blog. Maybe it's the southern in me, but I love sharing life with people. I loved sharing Sunday with you.
Amy,
This made me laugh so loud I talked about it with Molly. A friend came to visit the other day and I could barely get through the hall(toys strewn, etc.) to get her to the living room. She kind of gasped and I thought, maybe I've taken this a bit too far. Then Emily came to visit and talked to me about the 5 minute pick-up before husbands come home from work. She doesn't have a husband yet, but I get what she's saying and I'm starting to do a little more around the house.
I'm not at all saying that your choosing wrong or right, but am so thankful for your writing and what it gives me--time to think about this stuff and laugh at the funniness in it.
K
Thank you, ladies. All of you! Come over anytime! :)
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