listen generously

When I am baking or cleaning up a very messy kitchen (two things I did tonight), I often listen to an NPR program. Many of my favorites have come from the Speaking of Faith series. Tonight I scanned the archives for something that might calm my heart a little and give some perspective as I anticipate a very emotional and bittersweet day tomorrow - a wake and funeral for a just two-year-old Gabe and a birthday celebration for a just four-year-old Liam.

I couldn't have found a better way to spend the evening. The first program I listened to, The Wisdom of Tenderness, was an interview with Jean Vanier, the founder of L'Arche, a community centered around people with mental disabilities. His simple and plain speaking on tenderness and pain, living in and loving reality, and the incredible vulnerability of a God of love and how that love can transform our suffering and our lives was an amazing gift. The second program, Listening Generously: The Medicine of Rachel Naomi Remen, focused on the art of listening as a physician, the difference between curing and healing and how loss can help us live. Toward the end of this program, Dr. Remen reflected on our uncomfort with loss and suggested a better way to respond to someone suffering a great loss. It was a beautiful reminder on how to love and truly be a friend:

"Our first response to loss is to try and fix it. When we are in the presence of a loss that cannot be fixed, which is a great many losses, we feel helpless and uncomfortable and we have a tendency to run away either emotionally or physically distance ourselves. Fixing is too small a strategy to deal with loss."

Dr. Remen goes on to say that it is the power of our presence that makes a difference - being there, listening, witnessing and caring about another person's loss. Letting it matter. Listening generously. Because loss is not the end of the story.