the book this fearless idealist read with a lump in her throat

I am an idealist. A positive thinker. A glass-is-half-full girl. Because of or in spite of the fact that many “worst fears” have been realized in my life—my parents divorcing, giving birth to a developmentally challenged child, experiencing serious financial difficulties—I am not afraid of much. I am pretty sure I was born this way.

I am also pretty sure I was born to be a mother. The oldest of 20 grandchildren, I took on the role naturally and gladly acted it out in family reunion skits or playing house in my grandparents’ basement. I was sure I would have at least four kids, no problem. Marrying at 34, however, has made this dream unlikely, at least as one who births all of her children. And, so, the idea of adoption grips my heart.

My husband has known even more “worst fears” in his lifetime. The child of alcoholic parents who never wanted him and ultimately abandoned him, he, too, is a fearless idealist. And a man who dreamed for years about the family he would create someday, the one that might very possibly include an adopted child.

Some people who love us worry. They know parents for whom adoption didn’t work out so well. They know we struggle financially. They know our littlest has had a host of medical issues.

But we are not naïve. We are hopeful. We believe that when God puts a call in your heart, you just can’t ignore it. We live with no regrets and we certainly aren’t going to start racking them up now.

In her new book Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter, author Jennifer Grant (a new friend I am just learning to know) understands this longing. She writes, “the idea of adopting a child lingered in me like a song you cannot get out of your head.”

Although Jen’s story, in many ways, exudes this same kind of fearless idealism, she was not naïve about the challenges of adoption. In this intimate, beautifully written book she shares tender and devastating stories, including the agonizing wait to bring Mia home, her older daughter Isobel’s painful adjustment to her mom’s divided attention and Mia’s gut-wrenching sadness over missing the birth mother she never even knew.

I love that Jen acknowledges that adoption is not for everyone and that good intentions are not a good enough reason to travel this road. But for those who feel a tug to grow their families and stretch their hearts, adoption can be an incredible gift for everyone involved.

In the year or so that we have been looking into adoption, especially when we've begun doubting its feasibility, the most amazing little prompts and signposts have shown up, in the form of new friends with adopted children, cousins on the same journey and this wonderful book of Jen's. We're slow but God isn't giving up on us. I just know I'm going to thank him for that.