suspended animation

Darkness greets us morning after morning, the earth lays dormant and I wait and wait to hear about a job. My whole life feels suspended, not moving, like we're treading, going nowhere. Then, suddenly everything changes. A streak of pink in the early morning sky, buds on our lilac bush and, good news, a great job! All of these gifts were there, under the surface, waiting for their time. It's the waiting part that threatens to suck the life right out of me.


Because of my boys, I pulled out our traditional valentine decorations this weekend. For a few years now we have suspended construction paper hearts all over our living room and dining room. I wasn't in the mood to put them up, but now that they are there they make me smile. In a fallow time it works to just go through the motions. Do something that brought you joy before and see where you end up. It certainly helped when we were decorating that Elliott kept trying to reach the ceiling and would look up awestruck, saying, "Wow, that's pretty! Wow, that's cool!" (Those chubby cheeks help, too.)


I also had an urge to sew over the weekend. Nothing complicated. I just found some red and white fabric in my stash and cut out some hearts and some squares for pockets and stitched them on bias tape.


The banner of love hangs over my kitchen sink to remind me to smile and look up and be thankful for the simple things. Some days that small task is easier than others. Yesterday, very difficult. Tonight, the gratitude overwhelms me.


And then, there are valentines. Glue and stamps, stickers and tape. Little paper gifts for friends and for each other. Our table has been left as an unending art project. If I don't clean it up, they go back to it and dream up new ways to cut paper to say I love you. And on the dark days, come what may, love is the gift that keeps us going.