a good thing isn't necessarily a right thing

At a baby shower this afternoon my cousin did a little reflection for the mom-to-be on the top ten things she has learned in her 13 years of mothering. It was both funny and poignant and, quite honestly, I needed to hear a lot of it. One item that stood out was how there are so many good things we and our kids can be doing, but that doesn't mean they are the right things.

This last month I have been doing a lot of good things. I have been working like crazy to help make money for my family. I have been volunteering for things at school and at church. I have been running my Elliott to preschool and therapy after therapy. I have been making gifts and planning events. It's all good and yet I'm disappointing people I love. I'm putting a whole bunch of busyness and stuff before the things that really matter to me: my writing, my mental health, my friends, my family and God.

So, I'm going to start dumping some good things by giving up a big job, which is a big thing for me. I'm good at it and I like the team I work with and the money. But it sucks up my time and my energy and swallows my life. It's a painful release for a girl who never says no. I just need to keep reminding myself what I'm missing:

:: Long Monopoly games with a six year old
:: A bigger glimpse of fall than what I can see out the coffee shop or car window
:: Trips to the park with a thrilled three year old
:: A somewhat tidier house
:: A longer time to read than one minute before falling to sleep at midnight
:: Bread baking in the oven (oh, how I miss this!)
:: Progress on a year-old sweater project that I so want to wear this winter
:: Yoga
:: Deep thoughts in a quiet mind
:: Date nights and long conversation with the guy who picks up the slack
:: The ability to keep commitments with friends who still forgive me for canceling
:: Time to write
:: Time to pray

Another cousin of mine who is also on a mission to stop trying to do it all, linked me to this great piece by Anne Lamott about finding time to create a rich life. How incredibly ironic that I run around filling up my time in order to live richly when, in fact, a rich life requires empty hours of quiet time. It's going to be difficult, but it's high time I found some.