have I told you lately

Dear Liam,

When I saw this photo that I snapped on our train-ride "date" last Saturday, it become clear to me that you are becoming your own separate person, with a world of thoughts and feelings and ideas that have nothing to do with me and that I can never enter. How terribly bittersweet. Probably you are imagining your next LEGO spacecraft, which surely will be mind-blowingly intricate and clever, or looking for things to try to read. Or maybe you are wondering why the popular girl in your class doesn't talk to you anymore, as you wistfully confided to me earlier in the day. I wish you could know that this means she probably really likes you a lot. (How couldn't she?) Get used to this female weirdness, honey. It just gets worse.

I was so proud, though, when your teacher told me that you are one of the nicest boys - that you play with everyone and are kind to everyone, that you are polite and a good listener. I can hardly imagine anything better. Now, if we could just bring this stellar behavior home and work on that eye rolling thing.


Sometimes it drives me crazy that you have your own opinions and style and preferences, but I love that you do. And I especially love it when I can relax and just let you be who you are. It is not always easy to wait while you fill your backpack with Star Wars figurines and find your (my) iPod. But what other 4 year old prefers the ride with a little Abba or Metallica in his earbuds? Am I crazy to let you do it? Time will tell.


Playing games with you is the best. You are such a schemer and a ruthless competitor. I love to see your eyes sparkle when you send me back home (even though I pretend to be so sad, which, of course, just adds to your glee). It's mind-boggling to me that you can count spaces without moving your piece and determine the best move, that you understand strategy. How does that happen? Who taught you? Where did you come from?

Oh, and that blankie. You are still crazy for that rag. If you ever sneak out of the house with it and flash it to the general public, let's just say it doesn't go unnoticed. There have been moments of panic when we were sure blankie was lost forever, thrown in the garbage, left on an airplane, trampled by an elephant, but it has always resurfaced, more beloved than ever. And when you ask me (for the one millionth time) if I want to feel the best part (some little lumpy spot in the stringy section), I am strangely pleased that you are still this tender little boy, who, despite the interest in skateboarding (over which I am biting my tongue) and fascination with Star Wars, wants to be snuggled. Every time, I hold my breath and hope it lasts a little longer.

I thank God for you every day, Liam. You blow my mind, tug at my heart and keep me laughing. I just wanted to be sure I told you.

Love, Mama