to buy or not to buy

Friday I took Liam with me to a children's resale shop to look for a little girl's shirt to embellish for a birthday present. Before we went into the store, I explained to him that we were there to look for a shirt for Julianna, not to buy things for him. I didn't think the one-item trip would be an issue until I saw the Halloween costumes.

Liam has an insatiable passion for Halloween - the dressing up, the promise of candy, the odd spookiness of it all. The minute we walked into the store I knew we weren't getting out of there without some kind of disguise. It didn't take long for Liam to track down a batman costume in his size - a nicely made one with a cape and mask for just $8. Okay, I told him, but that's it.

As we were heading for the counter with the costume and the shirt we found for our gift, Liam spied a gun and holster set.

"Mom," he said running it over to me. "Batman needs this."

I patiently explained that the real batman never carries or uses a weapon. Plus, we were only getting the costume today.

"But, mom," he pleaded. "I really want this."

"Well," I paused. "You can have the gun set or the costume - just one - your choice."

I held my breath as he carefully and quietly looked them both over and then, thankfully, pointed to the costume.

Later that day, after several hours enjoying his new personna, Liam plopped himself on the couch, crestfallen.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I wish I had the guns."

"Honey, we can't have everything we want."

"But that's not everything, mom. That's just two things," he said. "I really wanted all the costumes."

Well, if that ain't our sorry human condition. We don't just want the thing we didn't get to have. We want everything, and more.

When I was in high school, I was dying for a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. If I only had them, I pleaded with my dad, I would be happy. My dad wisely suggested that the jeans wouldn't be the end of my quest for happiness. Something else would be next, something else I needed to make me happy. And he was right. The desire for things never ends.

I probably shouldn't have bought the costume to begin with, but it was so darn cute. Now I wonder if that sets a bad precident. What's the healthiest way to approach shopping with kids? Probably the same way it would be to approach it with myself - if you didn't come in to buy it, don't buy it. Let it go; think about it for a day and then come back if it's still something you need or want and is within reason/budget. How hard it is to do this with a child. (It's hard enough to do it with myself!) You see that excited longing or are faced with that agonized pleading and you give in. You want to see them "happy." But I'm beginning to think that this is pretty short sighted.

I am thinking about starting an allowance with Liam and letting him decide how he wants to spend or save his money to learn about the disappointment of blowing it on something frivolous and the satisfaction of saving for something special and the joy of giving some of it away. I feel like my own childhood was a strange combination of being inundated with purchases I didn't really want or need (but that I think my mom wanted for me) and being denied simple items I longed for (because whoever I was asking just wasn't in the mood to buy or didn't think was worth it). In a word, my experience with buying stuff was random. And that's pretty much how I continue on today.

It's going to be hard work to make life different for batman. But I'll do it. Because I know that the quest for happiness should never involve anything that comes with a price tag and, well, you just can't have everything you want.

::: Anyone with good ideas on how to teach kids about money, give an allowance, to buy or not to buy, etc., please share. I can use all the help I can get. :::